Look Beyond the Obvious in People

The State Journal

June 30, 2006

 

Think about how you receive others. We size up. We assess. We assume. We often judge people based on a quick first visual impression.

 

Some of that simply is instinctive human behavior. As thinking creatures, we do not necessarily need to completely discount our intuitive senses, yet we have learned (or most of us have) that people can be completely different from our first impression.

 

We all receive people. It's easy to be wrapped up in the day-to-day minutia of family life and work. Suddenly, you look around, and you are too successful, too old or too desperate to care how you have interacted with the many people in your life.

 

Recently, I gave a commencement address on this topic to a class of graduating high school students. To give the graduates a perspective, I used the example of my showing up at the commencement in my suit, dressed to the nines. I had never met most, if any, of the attendees prior to my address. My introduction as a business person mentioned numerous awards, recognition from my multiple awards, recognition from my multiple businesses and the growth of a company that spanned seven states and employed 4,000 people.

 

That led most of the graduates to make certain assumptions about me. They thought they knew me.

 

Concluding my address, I talked about my personal history. I then noticed many of the graduates moving to the edge of their chairs and paying closer attention. I was not simply a "suit" brought in to speak to them. As I explained my early childhood pain and my difficult life experiences, the graduates were sizing me up in a completely new light.

 

Isn't that true of us as business people within the community, as well as at home and in our marriages?

 

When we discuss different topics of concern, we prejudice the person or situation. I know a tennis coach in town who teaches just that. His philosophy is to never pre-judge the ball, even when it barely drops over the net. He coaches "GO FOR IT!" He has proven repeatedly that if you assert yourself, you can get to the ball by standing on the other side of the net and barely stroking the ball.

 

He yells, "You can do it!" and, sure enough, on the fourth or fifth try you find yourself actually getting to the ball.

 

I also am reminded of Sam Walton, founder of Wal-Mart. Mr. "Sam," as he was known, would have the executives who traveled with him dress in suits and precede his arrival at a local Wal-Mart. Then Mr. Sam would arrive in jeans and short sleeves. He wanted to be sure local store managers paid attention to everyone, not just those people who "looked" important.

 

We tend to examine people by standing back and assuming we know their story and their content. That can result in many missed opportunities. We may pass up an opportunity by saying no immediately to clients, prospective employees and/or current employees with great ideas. We just don't give them the opportunity to present their viewpoints.

 

I like to think of an office employee who works for us. We expect the employee to be a great receptionist, not merely a good one. We instruct the receptionist to greet visitors by smiling and offering coffee, tea or soft drink. Then we expect the receptionist to offer guests a comfortable place to wait and to keep the visitor posted on when the meeting with occur.

 

Then our office door opens, and we meet the guest face to face for the first time. We quickly give the guest a once over. We then sit down with the guest without necessarily giving the guest our full attention based either on our pre-judgment of their skills or the interest or lack of interest we have in their presentation.

 

Our knowledge of the guest is finite, and yet his or her experiences may be vast. If asked to render an opinion within our chosen profession, we don't hesitate to research the subject completely before offering our thoughts. Yet we are prone in these instances to short-shrift our usual analytical selves to make snap judgments.

 

We may be secure in our careers or just starting. Regardless, my advice is to go back to the basics of being self aware of our own behavior and background and how that fits into our personalities.

 

Just as people enjoy doing business with successful people, they enjoy doing business with kind and respectful people. They practice the Golden Rule.

 

Try it. You'll get the hang of it. It doesn't matter whether you are ready to retire or just beginning your career It never is too late to slow down and take time to listen to others while simultaneously getting to know them.